Welcome to My Operating Room

                      It's been an amazing year of growth, maturity, challenges and sacrifices, accomplishments and learning experiences. Taking time to reflect on 2014 has been very empowering. It's a time to acknowledge the things that are most important in your life. I realized that you will never lived until you have done something for someone who can never repay you. The brutality of death of my love ones made me realize that life is really too short to waste. I never really thought that losing someone would be this so hard. It's not easy to accept when you lose someone so close to you but nobody really say it would be easy. Afterall, life sucks at times but most of the time it should be live fruitfully and meaningfully.                     This is the time of the year to acknowledge the possibilities and opportunities and not on the frustrations we had experience in life. As ...

The title came from a very good friend. A friend that I texted before I decided to write. Obviously, I am alone this day at our house. Today is Eid ul fitr, a holiday marking the end of Ramadan for our Muslim brothers and sisters. Since, I'm alone and so lazy early this day to do anything but to sleep and lie in my bed. I finally decided to go to the gym in the afternoon after reading motivations in twitter on how to be physically and mentally fit and after seeing muscular guys in Instagram which I really want to have.  I am so proud of myself because despite of what happened to my life in the past few months, which I wont tell in details anymore, I have remained strong and determined to be a better person. Earlier, tears pour down again after watching the video of Gerald and I which I did months ago. Then suddenly, a simple but flattering comment pops up in my notification on my facebook account and lit my face up. It came from my student and a woman that I really respect. ...

One of the song of Celine Dion says that 'Goodbye' is the saddest word that we can see in the dictionary. I totally agree with it. This year has been so many goodbyes in my life. I said goodbye to my boyfriend of 6 years here on earth and I really cannot explain how sad I am right now. I said goodbye to 'Manang', our maid who served our family for many years because she had to be with her family in the province but I was so sad about it. I said goodbyes every time my students are graduating and trust me this is something that I really hate saying after 6 months of training and molding them to be World-Class Caregivers. Now, I have to say goodbye to my workmate, colleague, friend, and 'kakulitan' in our training center. This is so hard for me not because she's a great teacher but I really learned a lot from her. She has a charismatic teaching styles, strong willpower and very productive in the work. She also thought me the value of time especially when she...

The world celebrates gay pride this week and we have our own version of celebrating in our training center. It was actually my first time to wear skirt and high heels in my entire life so I thought I need to document this event in my life. My students organized a party for their Nutrition to apply everything they have learned from the module. Since they were few proud gays in the class, they have decided to make  a pageant they have called 'Ms. Biotin 2014'. Biotin is a vitamin that sounds like 'bayot' which means a gay person in gay 'linggo'. It was never a secret in our school that I'm gay but since I am still closet outside our family friends and relatives because my parents were conservative and also the owners of our training center  were also conservative people, I have decided to disguise myself by covering my face.  It was a hard decision, not by joining or wearing makeups and skirt, but it was hard covering my face because as I sai...

Hi Gerald, I miss you. Namis ko yung makita kang kumakain ng paborito mong kakanin, yung ipagtitimpla mo ko ng kape at maglalaro tayo ng baraha. Namis ko yung panonood natin ng sine, namis ko yung tatawagan kita at magsasalita ka ng japanese words na hindi ko maintindihan pero matatawa na lang ako at nawawala stress ko, yung pagdidilatan mo ko sa umaga pagka gising ko, yung pangungulit mo sa mga b ata at makukulit mong hirit. namimis ko yung mga paglalambing at kakulitan mo. namimis ko yung pagiintindi mo sa family mo especially kay mommy, yung mga foodtrip natin, namimis ko yung pagiging balidosa mo sa pananamit at pagaayos pero sobrang kalat sa kwarto, namimis ko yung amoy mo kahit galing ka sa volleyball mabango pa rin, namimis ko yung pagiging matapang mo pero sobrang lambot ng puso, namimis ko yung mga panahon na nagkakaayos tayo after ng mga misunderstandings, yung pagdadasal nating dalawa, namimis ko yung pipilitin mo kong pumunta sa inyo kahit sobrang layo tuwing may mga salo...

                          Summer is almost over although I woke this this morning terribly irritated because of extreme heat even it is already month of June. I already wanted this year to end because it has been a bad year since Gerald passed away. But to think of it, There are 6 months still remaining and I cannot rush the hands of time. I have a choice now: to be productive or to be lazy and wait until next year to regain myself again. But NO!, I have 6months remaining and I dont want to waste anymore time. I am on the last term for my Master's degree and I have decided to finish it this coming semester if God will allow me. I just hope that God will give me wisdom and strength to finish the race despite all the hardships and grieving process I am into right now. I would like to Outline the events that had happened to me this Summer. I would like to start my experience in Baler, Quezon. It was memorable because I neve...

Death is inevitable. For the last months, whenever I tell this to my students, there really are no feelings because of the fact that I never experience the pain of death before. The pain of losing an aunt, losing a grandmother or great grandmother is different from losing a boyfriend/girlfriend, partner or an husband or wife. I never really thought it would be this hard. It's not easy to accept when you lose someone so close to you but nobody really say it would be easy. So I must face the question on how can I cope with this kind of situation. There are people saying that I am strong and i am facing it now fairly enough but there are also some people who can see in my eyes the sadness that I am trying to hide. It is really hard to act in this world, pretending that you are alright which is in fact the other way around. The hardest part of all is that I had to report on my work the day after of the burial of my boyfriend and teach in front of many students about taking vital si...

           Yes, I am back... It's been a while since I decided to write again. I am not a good writer, obviously but who cares this is not actually a public consumption. This is just for me to express my feelings right now. Last April I posted something about moving on and meeting someone who inspires me but a lot of things happened after my vacation in Baler. Next time, I will definitely write a journal about that maybe in a time frame manner. But right now, I have decided to deactivate my Facebook account. Not to isolate myself with everyone after all the heartaches and pain of grieving (my boyfriend passed away btw) but I found myself wasting a lot of time checking newsfeed on Facebook.    I definitely think that It will also give me time to write my life's journey and all the lessons I am learning in my life. I will try my best not to be hesitant anymore and become bold in expressing my emotions and feelings. I am certainly back!!! De...

OK here it goes... Life sucks sometimes but most of the time it should be live fruitfully and meaningfully. For the past months, I am into a guy who inspire me in so many ways. He let me forget the person I am crazy for years. I realized that I should be better love myself more and more. I am completely emotionally overloaded at this point of my life. So many things had happened to me and my relationship with my ex-boyfriend. I am hesitant now to tell it because trust me, it's a long story and no one would want to hear my dramatic life and even to myself, I don't want to recall it all over again. Repress- this is what i want to cope with my problems right now. God is really good to me because despite of all the dramas in my life,  he gave me true friends in the right place at the right time. Tomorrow, I'l be going to somewhere far in the city. My bestfriend invited me to Baler, Quezon for me to experience her newly addicted hobby which is Surfing. It's been overdue da...

Dear ****,              I first heard the movie Divergent when we watched Starting over again. I am happy that we happened to watch the movie because I thought it is just a another superhero film. It is not the most original plot but I found it more watchable than the Hunger Games, while the hunger games have more depth, this was more fun.                                    I found Tris(dunno the real name) likable and pretty than Jennifer lawrence though I also like Jen too. haha. I also like the love story more kasi ang gwapo nung Four(haha). I searched in the google the different faction system in divergent. they are Amity = Hippies, Dauntless = Jocks with ADHD, Erudite = Nerds, Candor = People Running for Student Council, Abegnation = The quiet majority. Its like observing students in APC with different factions and personalities. But seriously...

Finally, decided to write something today. A lot of things happened to me for the past months. I am so bless that I got a new job on teaching. This is what I believe the start of my career as academe, a teacher and a mentor. I teach in a caregiver's school and this is what I believe a stepping stone for me. I had an idea on applying for a job in caregiver school through the idea of my professor, Mam Yang. I applied and submitted a lot of resume in different schools and I am so happy that the timing is just right on. I just finished my semester in my school in FEU and summer break has just began and luckily I was called for an interview. They gave a topic for a teaching demo and I passed it. The following day, I was asked for an interview with the owner of the company. I was amazed that the interview with the owner was not exactly what I've expected. She interviewed me for an hour which is very unusual. Maybe, this is the way for her to assess me not only my abilities but also m...

Dear ****, I will always say this to you. You inspire me and you make people happy just because of your charm that I know you already know (naks). But deep inside you, you are just a man with feelings and emotions. Life is just full of trials and obstacles. We are vulnerable and  sometimes we fall apart and we want to escape from reality. But for us to move on with our  lives, we need to face the situation and make a solution. In any problem there is a solution that  we need to make. We(I) may not know your problem (in details because you told us that your ok last night) but life should always be an adventure, if not, then it is nonsense. Life rewarded  courage. Always take a chance on someone, if you love her then pursue her if not always  remember that there is a rainbow after the rain. Someday, youll meet your other half and you'l  realize that it is the fruit of all your decisions in life. But if you dont do anything, you cannot und...