The Perks of Being Home Alone

The title came from a very good friend. A friend that I texted before I decided to write. Obviously, I am alone this day at our house. Today is Eid ul fitr, a holiday marking the end of Ramadan for our Muslim brothers and sisters. Since, I'm alone and so lazy early this day to do anything but to sleep and lie in my bed. I finally decided to go to the gym in the afternoon after reading motivations in twitter on how to be physically and mentally fit and after seeing muscular guys in Instagram which I really want to have. 

I am so proud of myself because despite of what happened to my life in the past few months, which I wont tell in details anymore, I have remained strong and determined to be a better person. Earlier, tears pour down again after watching the video of Gerald and I which I did months ago. Then suddenly, a simple but flattering comment pops up in my notification on my facebook account and lit my face up. It came from my student and a woman that I really respect.

                    I have heard and read positive and affirming comments before, appreciation from students and friends which is actually essential in life. But It became valuable to me right now after I heard a bad comment last week. A comment that became so disturbing and tested even my faith in God. A comment that for me and for those who have read it are words who is trying to put me down and malign what I am doing because of my perception and choice in life which is unacceptable for them. It was also written there that I don't fit in the subject. An impression for the readers that I did something wrong and hurt people intentionally. I was caught off guard from all the words and tactlessly derailed the things that I do in purpose. At first, I just thought it was just a comment from unbeliever who do not want to hear anything about God. So I immediately dismissed it from my mind and purposely ignore the comment. But the saddest thing is, the person who read it, in his mind that I really made a mistake and I should have realize my fault in order to change something and to stop sharing my spiritual life to others because there might people who will get offended by it. I was shocked, because in my mind, I don't want to change anything just because of one person. I needed to consult friends and Ate Leica and most of them sympathize with me and understood where I am coming from. I already felt that I questioned my faith at this point because I worried a lot which I know for sure that I don;t have to worry anything. 

Yesterday, someone texted me and told me that she misses me and the person who said the bad comment to me came from her group of friends. The person who texted me even told me that they all miss me and asked me when I will be coming back to them. So suddenly, I thought 'All of them'??!!. This person is someone I can trust and like me then. So I asked her if she knew anyone who wrote a comment to me about what I shared before in them about my Christian life. I said to her, not to hate the person or to take revenge but I am just curious and wanted to find out, who the person is. It is really hard to get along with people if you knew there's someone does not want you and you feel guilty at the same time of something that is clueless. After few seconds, she replied to me and said that it was her comment. Yes, I talked to the very wrong person. It was so ironic that the person who said and found time to message me and tell me that she missed me was the person who wrote negative comments about me. She told me that it was not her intention to hurt me and pull me down but it was just a comment base from the subject we were talking about. She told me that she really want to be a Christian also but she's just not ready yet. For her to tell me that, it was relieving because somehow I've touched her life even in small way. She kept on apologizing to me and told me that she felt guilt. 

                  I always say to people to always watch their words because it can be a weapon that is very hurtful and it is something that cannot bring back. But, I humbly apologized to her also that I might say things untimely and that I might unintentionally hurt her feelings too. We ended our conversations as if nothing happened and it was so relieving to me. I am a type of person who does not want an enemy, who does not want to end the day not solving problems or misunderstanding to anyone, who wants to sleep at peace and just enjoy life. 

To end it all is a simple prayer that I want to share from Kris Aquino's Instagram account. hashtag #keepthefaith :0